Ass Exploits and Creepy Office Bodies

So, I work at the Learning Systems Institute at Florida State University, at the Research Building A which is just up the road from the School of Engineering and the Magnet Lab. It is a very standard, office-like place, with lots of cubicles and standard offices along the outer edge of the building. Even though there are different projects and departments on each floor, and on different floors, the decor is identical, regardless of where you are. Everyone is cordial, and dressed nice (although not as nice as business formal or whatever), and each area if very clean and quiet. That is the background for where I work, so you have a reference for the two following stories:

Story 1: Ass Exploits

It was my bosslady's birthday yesterday, so the office ordered out Bagel Bagel. Random, yes, and it did require me to hang out with my office people, thereby NOT allowing me to goof off on the Internet. However, I was being paid for that time, so it's forgiven. The Bagel Bagel delivery girl showed up, a standard college girl wearing shorts and a B2 tee-shirt. I helped her carry the food to the conference room, and walking about out she said, "Ouch."

Now, being the caring, thoughtful individual I am, I inquired as to her painful problem, and she said that she had just gotten a tattoo last night. Oh, really? Of what?, I inquired.

She answered, "A street sign."

Now, I'm "hip" to a lot of the things people get tattooed on themselves, so I figured it was a Bourbon Street sign or something. But, no, she tells me it's a Murat sign. I have no idea what that refers to, except for the old, sleazy Prince Murat Hotel here in Tallahassee. No, she replies, it's not that.

"Why did you get such a tattoo?" She answers, "Bad decisions." So, she apparently decides to exercise further bad decisions by pulling your shorts down to show me this wonderful street sign tattoo, which happened to be printed on her ass.

Now, normally I have no problem with random strange college girls wanting to show me their asses (because I'm sure it happens to me a lot, right?), but I am in the middle of the LSI FSU Research Building A, and my very serious, very not-humorous boss is just now walking out of the nearby office. Excellent timing! I'm waiting to see how long it is before the bosslady decides to talk to me again.

Oh, and the food was delicious!

Story 2: Creepy Office Bodies

So, in one of the random hallways, there are many empty offices and rooms. One of these seemingly innocuous doors is labeled "315 Human Resources Lab" with the neighboring door labeled "315A Observation Room." These are two doors that, like many of the others, remain closed, and I never see anyone come in or out of them.

However, one day the door to 315A Observation Room was open, and inside was.... a human body. And by that, I mean it was a guy sleeping in a bed. Apparently, the 315 Human Resources Lab room is some kind of testing/examination/disorder lab, and the Observation Room is next door for, well, observation (hopefully). The two rooms are connected by a one-way mirror, and that's what I was looking through when I saw the door open that one time.

An interesting tidbit of information, but, really? A sleep disorder room (with only a single bed) in this kind of office building? Nothing around here is about psychology or sociology or anything like that. It's all education, or energy systems, or Homeland defense contracts. So now, of course, I *have* to get into one of those rooms to see what's going on.

The final odd fact is that the door has been left open on different occasions, sometimes weeks or months apart, and as far as I can tell, it's the same guy on the bed sleeping...

(cue ominous music)