Rain.

Yep! It's raining!

Rain is neat. I like rain. Many people like the rain, but this is my blog, so you're going to listen to me go on about rain for a bit. Got a problem with that?! Yea... that's what I thought...

Anyway, rain is a cleaning of the world, which approximately 4,534,643,642 people have noted before me. It clears out the air, but I suppose what I really like is the smell of ozone that goes along with the thunder. There have only been a few instances when I wish the lightening and thunder weren't there, and most of there were when I was outside in a field, holding a 20' flag pole (long story...). Other than that, I'm a big fan of the lightening.

I view rain in a few different ways, as I'm sure a lot of people do, even if they aren't aware of it. When you're laying in bed listening to it rain outside, sitting at work listening to the downpour bludgeoning the roof, or if you're in the car, where the sound could be so loud you don't hear anything else but the water from above.

This first picture reminds me of forest rain, or nature rain. Heavy rain when there is a lot plants, forest, or general foliage around, and the smell of the plants and soil permeates the air with the constant pounding of the water from the sky. I sometimes think I smell that odor when I am in certain wet areas, like mountain valleys that don't get a lot of sunlight. I associate that smell with the cabin in Tennessee, and the state park nearby. All of the rivers and waterfalls give that wet forest smell, although it lacks the nasty moistness that comes from a dreary rain.

Another view of rain I have is from the viewpoint of the soakin' wet pedestrian caught unawares. To be completely drenched, with no hope of preventing further wetting, and I just accept the fact that 1) I am very wet and 2) That condition can only get worse, and it probably will do just that.

When you've accepted certain conditions, you can look at it differently. If you are prepared to get nasty and muddy when working in the yard (or whatever), when it happens it's not as big a deal as if you slipped and fell in a puddle on the way to work or class. The same things happens in the rain. You accept the rain and it covering you, so you can see and hear the rained on environment more clearly, or at least in a different way. You can see and hear how the drops hit the yards, asphalt, or concrete, and smell how each of them differ. You can feel the drops bouncing off of the ground back up to you, which in itself reminds me of sitting down in the shower (a pretty unique experience in itself, yah?). You can feel the heat still coming off of the ground, and the steam that forms when the colder rain hits home, just as you can feel a chill set in when the ground's heat is lost, followed quickly by shivering of your own.

This type of rain experience usually occurs by mistake, such as when I'm waiting for someone to pick me up, and it starts to get cold and rainy. Waiting to leave or go is something I've had to do way too much of, and such circumstances I have somewhat grown accustomed to, unfortunately. However, that has helped me to appreciate such things as getting caught in the run with shelter being a good 45-minute walk away.

The usual view I think most people (and myself) enjoy rain from is from the comfort of the indoors. Hearing the rain on the windows and the roar of the water on the roof (preferably a tin roof), with the thunder shaking the walls and making you question whether you are indeed safe in that particular place. The patter of the rain easily lulls you to sleep, and brings images of bed, pillows, and blankets. Even if you don't sleep, it seems to fit right for a nice storm.

You can see the water trailing down the glass, and feel the cold permeating the window if you hold your hand up to it. Paths of water form in the yards and streets, and every now and again you may see an earthworm or a piece of litter float by.

Being nice, why, and why not

So, I had a chat session recently, and some comments resulted in my standing upon my digital soap box. I kind of liked the result, so I fixed it up (just a bit) and pasted it below. (sorry about the formatting)
_________


Being super nice isn't always a good thing... it can back fire, or cause trouble... But, I try, regardless. Because... why not? The world sucks. It's a horrible, dark, unforgiving place not meant for a sentient species, and it's the one "true" sentient species is trying to kill itself half the time. So, why bother even living or trying? Because, it's the one thing you can constantly strive for, because it goes against what seems to be the nature of man and nature, to control things, but to still make things good and nice and fair.

The world isn't fair, but it doesn't mean we can't strive to make it more fair for more people.

So, even if it SUCKS that's just more of a reason to do nice things and say nice things and to be a nice person. Even if you don't feel like one sometimes. When I see others suffer or in pain, it's then I'm reminded of it, which probably results in my nurturing nature.

I've worked with and known so many sad, lonely people that didn't try to make anything of themselves, and I worked to make their lives better. It's such a relief to know people and help people that will help themselves, and appreciate what's done for them. Anyhoo, you probably belong in the latter group, being independent, and certainly not helpless or anything like that.

Why any of us bother is the question, indeed. We bother because without good people the world falls apart. And I really couldn't care less about the world. It's the people I care about, and my friends, and the kids I see. Those are the people the world should be better for even if I'm fucked up and so in everyone else, if I can push and shove and punch the world into a better shape, even for just my nephews, it's worth it. If I can, maybe, do the same for friends, then the more power to it.

So, when things are bad (as we both know how that can get, in so many ways), I  look at the fate, or destiny, or whatever it is making things hard, and "Fuck you," and push on, because I'd rather be beat up and trounced on my whole life trying to do something decent, then to just get through this life by just getting by, and making it worse for others.

Those people I referred to... an alcoholic mother whose daughters I watched grow up, and who I help take care of. The mother was nice, actually, but couldn't get the drinking under control, which I tried to help her get off of, and get to AA and stuff, and to help her daughters understand as much as one can understand such a thing, and in the end, the dad took the girls away, which was for the best, and only then did the mom get around to sobering up.

So, now the mom is missing out on her daughters' daily lives, and I never get to see them.

That's maybe not the best example, but the idea of "helping those who help themselves." That if there's two groups of people that could use help (in some way, even if it's just listening or cheering them up sometimes), so I'm scarred in some way by that, and rejoice when there are people I can help who try to help themselves. and, every now and again, there's someone who doesn't need help, and it takes so long getting used to that, because I rarely get to be around that kind of person.

(Definition of needing help is subjective, of course)

The truth about everything (copyright)

So, I like true things. I think that's because when things are not true, are lies, exaggerations, or concealments of some kind, it makes everything so difficult. Someone once said they like kids because kids have yet to learn to lie well. I get that idea.

Now, don't get me wrong. While frankness can be a virtue, there are some things that should always and forever remain unsaid, particularly between friends and family. Some things cannot be unsaid, so to speak, and once that comment has been unlocked, it can act as a dark shroud over a relationship from then on. THOSE things should remained locked away. There's nothing as annoying as those people that pull out those extreme things to say during a random argument: "I wish you wouldn't invite people over without telling me beforehand!" "Oh, yea? Well your father was a drunk and made you a coward, and that's why your first wife left you!" That? That's just inappropriate.

However, true, as a rule, I think should be present. Unfortunately, not everyone believes this, so it doesn't do me any good. It's sort of the idea that if you're the only sane one in a world of insane people, you're the one not fitting in. So, if you try to be truthful and upfront as a general rule, you're going to be shot down by those that are used to playing by some hidden sets of rules or politics. Ugh!

One reason I'm particularly fond of the truth is that I believe everyone can get along better. Gee.. that wasn't cliché at all! I mean that if people were open, then they could understand, if not condone, the thoughts and actions of others. That's something I believe I'm proud of: For almost everyone, I can understand why they do or say things, even if I personally don't think it's appropriate or a good idea.

People want to keep things hidden from others, and even from themselves. I can accept someone explaining that they would not want to answer a question or explain something, but cannot accept it when someone lies to me or to themselves, only to have the results later be negative because of it. This paragraph is really randomly and not well-written, but I think you're getting the idea: I like to speak the truth and be told the truth, because that is the essence of who we are, and if we deviate from that, it opens up the possibility for bad things to happen.

Kids say the darndest things.

So, enjoy this little ditty of a movie. That's little nephew Heath. He apparently enjoys his pizza. There's nothing like being able to take a handful of delicious food and just shove it into you mouth, over and over again. He did the same thing with his 1-year birthday cake. He pokes and prods it for a bit, then someone shows him that the cake is actually edible. Then he proceeds to stuff fistful after fistful of birthday cake into his gaping maw. I think he must have put away half of that cake before someone realized that the cake is probably 13 times larger than his stomach.

He also enjoys books. A lot, apparently. His favorite hobby seems to be picking a book, and saying, "Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook..." over and over, while walking up to someone (often me, when I'm there). So, of course, I wish to oblige his budding desire for knowledge and the love for reading, so I sit down, open the book, and with a flourish begin the story, "At the far end of town where the grickle-grass grows, and the wind smells slow and sour as it blows, and..."
"Ook. Ook."
Yes, Heath. We have a book and we're reading it now. You don't have to keep turning the pages until I'm ready."
"Ook. Ook." Heath leaves to find another book. "Ook. Ook."
Well, okay, Heath. We can read that book instead. "Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy."
Pay attention, Heath. This a good boo.."
"Ook. Ook."
Heath, we have a book. Let's read it, shall we?
"Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook."Heath leaves to find another book. "Ook. Ook."
FINE! We'll read THAT book instead. "OnceuponatimeblahblahTheEnd." Are you happy now? Are you? Huh??!?
"Ook."
(Chris's brain short-circuits, and he suffers a massive coronary of the brain. Yes, a coronary of the brain, and then slumps onto the floor.)
(A dog licks him)
(Heath laughs)
"Ook." (Heath goes in search of someone else to read a book with.)

Too much thinking!

So, I think a lot... probably too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for solid cognitive activity. Some kinds of intelligence are really attractive, and just make life easier to get through. Not necessarily just someone who knows a lot of stuff, because straight memorization isn't interesting at all, but the kind of intelligence that leads to unique thought, thoughtful responses and queries, and conversation that makes you think twice about something (see previous post about preprogrammed responses). That's the kind of intelligence I'm talking about.

But... I digress. Excessive thinking. It is not uncommon to hear about someone over-thinking something, or thinking too deep about it, or maybe even just thinking too long on something. I would count myself guilty of all three, although thank goodness I don't give in to the various thoughts and the emotions that were derived from them. Some day I will find a job or hobby or something where excessive over-thinking proves useful. Then it would be good to think about a choice, analyze each the probable consequences, then imagine an entire slew of improbably consequences, and the actions that lead to and result from all of those choices. Yay full brain!

I think that's why oftentimes I like simple things, because there is either little or no thinking involved. It is simply doing. Tasks such as some kinds of manual labor, or activities where I can let my mind wander, fade away, blob out, or maybe even just sort of lose control some. I think that's why some activities and situations are particularly enticing, because I can get lost in them.

I find it ironic that my over-thinking on a regular basis (as in, most waking moments, including conversations) leads to my actions and words being more convoluted than if I tired or impaired! If you want to get a pretty good conversation out of me, minus the mumbles, slurred sentences, rapid speech, and topic-jumps, then chat me up when I'm tired, drunk, etc. It will make for a good time for both parties, I'd wager.

Stretching Your Muscles

One of the things I love to do most is stretch my muscles. Unfortunately, my entire life I've been less flexible than around 92% of the population. Fortunately, stretching my muscles usually refers to a whole lot more. For example, I rarely get to use my Big Voice, the voice I need to use when someone is far away, or I need to get someone's attention immediately. Similarly, rarely is the Big & Charged Voice used, a voice I might use to rally an army (something I don't do as much anymore) or give an impassioned speech. I'm actually thinking about creating some podcasts of me reading or reciting passages, poems, etc., in the voices I never get to use, but would still like to. That sounds like an interesting project to do every now and again.

Physically, I do love to be active. I garner no pleasure pickings up things all over a yard or a living room, or scrubbing a shower down. However, to be able to swing an ax, rev up a chainsaw, or knock down a tree is a good feeling, where I can do a lot of Manly, Testosterone-Filled Activities. Fortunately, my brother's yard provides both the tools and the work to be completed. Hopefully next up will be continuing the terracing of part of his yard, which involves 1) moving giants hunks of wood 2) moving large piles of dirt and 3) sledgehammers.

I find it ironic (though it's no surprise to anyone) that completing such tasks is a lot more enjoyable when I have a goal to work towards. Jogging slowly for 30 minutes? Boring.... Running for an hour while chasing or being chased? Going to the gym? Ugh.... hauling around heavy things and operating destructive machinery that can kill or maim myself and on-lookers? Delightfully enjoyable!

I also thoroughly enjoy stretching my mental muscles, too. Everyone knows the mental fatigue associated with busy-work at school or one's place of employment, and I'm not different (mostly, at least). I would much rather think around corners than work within the box. I have realized, however, that I actually have trouble thinking in the box at all, which makes some of life difficult... My thinking is like those Rube Goldberg machines: Unnecessarily complicated, but still gets the job done. I like it when the situation calls for extreme thinking and creativity, but, like others things, there's rarely an opportunity to stretch those muscles.

If you've talked with me for any part of time, you can probably see the over-thinking in my communication. Whenever I interrupt, or go off on some sort of conversational tangent, it's my mind tapping into preconceived ideas, thoughts, jokes, or stories that were triggered by something someone else had said, and trying to speak those things. It can be a slightly enjoyable trick to do on command (or so I'm told), but is a handicap with real communication. How fun can life be that with almost every thing someone says, you have a "pre-programmed" response? Not fun.. unfortunately... perhaps entertaining at times, and useful with academics... but otherwise... eh!

Blog feeds now available

In my eternal quest to appear as conceited as possible, I have created a general RSS feed and a Google feed, in case you want to be updated immediately when I write more in my blog. Yay? If you don't know how to use feeds, there are plenty of directions (which should appear when you click on one of those links), or if you're bold just send me an e-mail asking. :)

Ass Exploits and Creepy Office Bodies

So, I work at the Learning Systems Institute at Florida State University, at the Research Building A which is just up the road from the School of Engineering and the Magnet Lab. It is a very standard, office-like place, with lots of cubicles and standard offices along the outer edge of the building. Even though there are different projects and departments on each floor, and on different floors, the decor is identical, regardless of where you are. Everyone is cordial, and dressed nice (although not as nice as business formal or whatever), and each area if very clean and quiet. That is the background for where I work, so you have a reference for the two following stories:

Story 1: Ass Exploits

It was my bosslady's birthday yesterday, so the office ordered out Bagel Bagel. Random, yes, and it did require me to hang out with my office people, thereby NOT allowing me to goof off on the Internet. However, I was being paid for that time, so it's forgiven. The Bagel Bagel delivery girl showed up, a standard college girl wearing shorts and a B2 tee-shirt. I helped her carry the food to the conference room, and walking about out she said, "Ouch."

Now, being the caring, thoughtful individual I am, I inquired as to her painful problem, and she said that she had just gotten a tattoo last night. Oh, really? Of what?, I inquired.

She answered, "A street sign."

Now, I'm "hip" to a lot of the things people get tattooed on themselves, so I figured it was a Bourbon Street sign or something. But, no, she tells me it's a Murat sign. I have no idea what that refers to, except for the old, sleazy Prince Murat Hotel here in Tallahassee. No, she replies, it's not that.

"Why did you get such a tattoo?" She answers, "Bad decisions." So, she apparently decides to exercise further bad decisions by pulling your shorts down to show me this wonderful street sign tattoo, which happened to be printed on her ass.

Now, normally I have no problem with random strange college girls wanting to show me their asses (because I'm sure it happens to me a lot, right?), but I am in the middle of the LSI FSU Research Building A, and my very serious, very not-humorous boss is just now walking out of the nearby office. Excellent timing! I'm waiting to see how long it is before the bosslady decides to talk to me again.

Oh, and the food was delicious!

Story 2: Creepy Office Bodies

So, in one of the random hallways, there are many empty offices and rooms. One of these seemingly innocuous doors is labeled "315 Human Resources Lab" with the neighboring door labeled "315A Observation Room." These are two doors that, like many of the others, remain closed, and I never see anyone come in or out of them.

However, one day the door to 315A Observation Room was open, and inside was.... a human body. And by that, I mean it was a guy sleeping in a bed. Apparently, the 315 Human Resources Lab room is some kind of testing/examination/disorder lab, and the Observation Room is next door for, well, observation (hopefully). The two rooms are connected by a one-way mirror, and that's what I was looking through when I saw the door open that one time.

An interesting tidbit of information, but, really? A sleep disorder room (with only a single bed) in this kind of office building? Nothing around here is about psychology or sociology or anything like that. It's all education, or energy systems, or Homeland defense contracts. So now, of course, I *have* to get into one of those rooms to see what's going on.

The final odd fact is that the door has been left open on different occasions, sometimes weeks or months apart, and as far as I can tell, it's the same guy on the bed sleeping...

(cue ominous music)

Life Changes: Part 1

So, it is January 25th, and I have been single for around a week and a half. On Thursday the 14th, my live-in girlfriend of 3 years and I broke up, and she moved out. If this is news to you, then you don't really need more personal information, but if it's not, then you already know most of the pertinent information. Regardless, it was a very, very hard thing to do, as some people may already know. Doing something like that goes against pretty much every fiber in my being, and I have talked to many people and did a lot of thinking about it all. And if you know how much I think and over think generally, then you have an idea about how much I have thought about this extensively. While it was something I did not want to do, I did feel that in the end, at this time, it was the best thing for both of us. I can only pray that I am right. Unfortunately, only time will tell.

So, now the next part of life begins, as life has a happen of doing. Things are different, and in many ways they are the same. I think having so many things stay the same (or at least seem the same) is one of the hardest parts, because your mind wants to fall back into the same patterns it was become accustomed to for years. Alas, you can't let it, because that is not the reality of the next part of life.

So, I will do what I do best: adapt. Effectively adapting to situations is something I do very well (in some fashions), but it often proves difficult, because to adapt to a good or positive thing means you can become inured to it. Familiarity breeds contempt (although "contempt" wouldn't be the right word at all to use). I continue with school, which has gotten out of control (see next posting), and trying to keep up with it fills much of my time and mental energies.

I will try to spend more time with my family, whom I would have (and still eventually might) neglected in my pursuits of school, careers, and all the garbage that goes with it. I will try to expand my social circles. No... I will try to create my own social circles, to meet new people through the few new people I am lucky to have met, so that I can appreciate the good friends I do have now, and increase my exposure to more of the good kinds of humanity. I will try to do things properly, and to follow the very old, very tired, very over-played, very worn out, and very true cliché of trying to find myself. Then I can do what is right next.

Cross your fingers, wish me good luck, and introduce me to some of your friends. That's what you can do if you want to help me on my way, reader. And I will do the same for you, if I am able.

School begins; everything else ends

So! First week of school! Actually, the first week of the usual full school week schedule. I had hoped I would have more time available this semester, but after reviewing the work for my two online courses, I do not foresee that coming true.

Online classes, so far at least, involve more work with fewer results. The endless reading and writing in the online discussion boards take up so much time, and I retain very little of the information. I find that in face-to-face courses I ask more questions, get more relevant answers, and somewhat enjoy the material. Online courses... ugh. It's a matter of completing work so I can get a grade. Hopefully I will get more out of my 2 current online courses because both involve working in groups. Luckily, my group members are other students in town, so we can actually get together to complete projects, which is an activity that helps me greatly in keeping all that book learnin' in my skull.

Those two online courses are complemented by two face-to-face courses. One I am not looking forward to, and the other will be an easy (though possibly time-consuming) computer courseware class. Either way, it's a semester more full than I wanted. Fitness has taken a back seat to the cold (even I won't go out there when it's literally freezing), and my hopes of attending the gym may fall to the wayside (wherever that is). My current hope is that I am overestimating the workload for my courses, and I will find time for my various ventures. Changes that may be coming soon could also result in more time available, although it comes at a significant cost.

So, it's cold. I know every person, newspaper, and news show is talking about it, but it's still cold. Each morning I scrap off my windshield with an old credit card, and each morning I wish I had bundled up the shavings, made a snowball, and stored it in the freezer. Then, sometime later in this season, I could hit people with them. It is a dream! And a dream that may come true if I have time to save those Snowy Shavings of Entertainment!

Also, I have a Twitter account now I'm apparently using? Weird... I get and understand Twitter, just not to the level that the rest of the world has.

2010!: 1 Day Anniversary

So, rumor has it that it's now the year 2010. The first order of business is to determine exactly how we're going to say that. Is it, "Twenty-Ten?" or maybe "Two-thousand ten?" Of course, we'll have a similar problem years from now when referring to the year 2012. Saying "oh-twelve" is simply wrong, but just saying "twelve" just doesn't seem right. Hopefully our top scientists will be working on a solution to this, foregoing additional important project such as the pill that gives mice erections for up to 6 hours, and pills that will block up to 15% of the fat you ingest. Thank goodness they're not wasting their time on a cure for cancer or a good looking, easy to apply car wax (top priority!)

I never quite felt the hype presented for New Year's. I don't recall every having a New Year's that I thought was "great." It has always been a regular get-together, except maybe with hats and things that made loud sounds, in addition to shows on the TV that I don't really care about watching. Nothing is quite like the underwhelming feeling that follow, "3!....2!....1!.... Happy New Year!!!....... Let's go home." It is always slightly humorous to see Time's Square practically empty 10 minutes after the ball drops, with they exception of the army of street cleaners that pick up the tons of trash left over from the event. Nothing like celebrating the New Year being extremely cold, crowded, and unable to leave if you want to! Maybe some day I'll understand why people go there for the new year celebration...

The new year brings nothing new. Classes begin in less than a week, but that is about it. While the beginning of the new year is merely a human observation of when we restart out monthly Gregorian calendar, it is just another day later in time. The same thing applies to turning a year older, I suppose. If you're turning 30 or 40, it's just another day later. January 1st signals the onset of teleporters and flying cards just was much as turning 40 signals an instant switch in one's body and appearance.

(I'm still hopeful each year for the flying cars.)

I do find fascination with resolutions, however. If nothing else, it's fun to mock those that create their resolutions, and immediately falter on them. :) That's a sadistic part of me, I suppose. I guess I feel that way because I try not to set goals or resolutions for myself unless I intend to follow through with them, or to at least give it a pretty strong shot over a long period of time. I do understand the idea of using the new year as a time to say to oneself, "Well, I have been meaning to (lose weight/exercise more/eat better/learn French/spend more time with my family/go back to school/stop masturbating at the aquarium/be nicer person/quit smoking)." The change to a new year gives a fresh start of sorts (even if it's just on a paper calendar), and reason to act on those changes you've been meaning to make.

For me, the closet things to a resolution would be those that I find are easier to begin or accomplish with the extra time that (sometimes) comes with the holidays. Currently, I have been running every day! (since starting 3 days ago) Not a bad start, but I hope to continue until school starts, so I can be caught up enough, fitness-wise, to begin running regularly my 'usual' distances 3+ times a week. With possible extra time available this semester, I may try to take advantage of the services available since I do pay all of those student fees. Namely, the free instructors and equipment at FSU's gym. I'm not looking forward to the crowds, or the wearing of sunglasses inside so I can stare at the co-eds in their spandex, but if the time is there the exercise would do me good.

The next month or so should produce a lot of changes, but whether they will be for good or not is, as always, to be determined.